I know this was already a late letter and that I was supposed to send it to you yesterday but my mother forbid me to use the internet the time we got home. *sigh*
So yesterday wasn't a very bad day, thank god. Actually, my morning started happily and ended happily too. I woke up early and because my college entrance exam is drawing near, I decided to use the internet in studying and it was already noon when I've stopped. Nothing extraordinary happened in the morning, it's just that I have a good time studying and learnt that I'm poor in chemistry. Well, I'm not the one to blame either way, my chemistry teacher sucks so poor me. :)
But then during the afternoon, my parents asked me to take a bath already because we're going to mass. Blah, blah, blah. Let me go fast-forward. And so we arrived and you know what, every time I will attend the mass, I always am happy. Like I'm somehow enlightened or what. I don't know. I joked my parents when I approached them to kiss their cheek and said "Hey, did you pray for me". Of course they do, I just want some assurance. After the mass, we ate at this restaurant and they're playing an album of one of the great singers I knew and I joined in. I mean, it's just lately that I've finally knew that I have a great voice so.. you know what I mean.
In the end, my day is pretty normal, at least I've stopped being so dramatic, but still it was a happy one.
Sincerely Ashia ♥
Labels: Dear Cordelia, July 2012, July 29, July 29 2012
I don’t know what to say..I know that this is my first letter to you but.. but I can’t hold all these feelings anymore. I wanted to cry but I promised myself that I won’t. Even just for today.My day started out dull.
Yes, my sister is finally away even if it’s only for a day but my friends, they were in school too. From the texts I received from them, I knew that they were happy. They were having fun, while I’m here stuck at home regretting the choice I made, regretting that I didn’t went into that Leadership Training. I can’t take it. I can’t take thinking of what they, and he, did. Just the thought of him having fun with some other girls are killing me. But you know what hurts the most? It’s the fact that I don’t have the right to be sad just because of that. Because there is no “US”, no “Me & Him”. We’re just strangers, not friends, and especially not lovers. We are nothing.
My old friend, who as he said “liked me before”, texted and somehow I’ve released all these feelings to him. I told him of what Will, let’s just call him “Will”, were doing that made me assumed that he liked me too. But the thought of him liking me is impossible. I’m not pretty, nor am I popular. I’m just a speck in the crowd. Nothing more. So why do I kept hoping for that moment that he’ll say that he likes me too? Why? Why am I expecting again? I wanted to slap myself, I wanted to wake myself from that dream, because I know that in the end I’ll be the one who’ll be hurt. I’ll be the one who’ll cry.
But those memories of him smiling at me, noticing me, laughing at my silly joke and staring at me, those things made me think that what if maybe, someday, he’ll say that he likes me too?
I hate these feelings he’s giving me. He’s the reason for my smiles and laughs, but he’s also the same reason for my cries. What is he doing to me? I don’t love him yet, but look at how he could affect me. I’m afraid of the worse things that would happen if I finally fall for him. I’m trying my best to lift myself up from the cliff, but no matter what he does, whether it hurts me or not, and made me loose a little from my grip..
Let’s just call it a day, Cordelia. Good Night.
Sincerely Ashia.
PS. I can’t promise that I won’t cry.
Labels: Dear Cordelia, July 2012, July 28, July 28 2012
